Once upon a time,
in a land far far away in the east,
there was a small country called Hatena.
Three tomatos, papa tomato, mama tomato, and baby tomato, were walking down the road.
The baby tomato walked so slowly that he got left behind, and he shouted "wait!!"
The papa tomato returned to the baby tomato and crashed him, saying: "catch up (ketchup)!!"
The Hateneans earned their living by engaging in various strange activities inexplicable to outsiders.
The King of the Hatenans was called id:jkondo, while the Queen was called id:reikon.
All looked peaceful, but one day there was a crisis on the village of Hatena...
The train that hit two blonds derailed,
went over the border towards the village of Hatena,
and came down the steep hill, scattering the inside of its cargo.
But none of the Hateneans initially took any notice of the crashing sound
as they were all busy posting comments at their new village facility, dubbed Hatena Haiku.
In the morning, one of the early risers finally noticed the wrecked train and the scattered cargo...
A man and a woman crawled out of the cargo.
The woman asked the man: "Hey, are you alright?"
But the man did not answer...
The man opened his mouth, and something red gushed out from him.
It splashed into the woman's mouth, when she was about to scream.
The air was filled with sweet smell and the woman tasted tomato ketchup in her mouth.
"Ough shit...disgusting... you didn't drink the whole bottle of ketchup in there, did you?" said the woman, coughing hard.
"Sorry... there was nothing else in that train and I was getting hungry you know." explained the man.
"Excuse me. Who are you guys? Why are you here? What is all that red smelly stuff?" asked the innocent Hatena villager.
"Could you give me a hand before asking questions?" said the man to the villager,
adding "I thought it was too obvious that I couldn't get out."
The villager very innocently asked "What did you say?"
"I said" the man said wiping his mouth, "COULD YOU GIVE ME A HAND, PLEASE?"
Observing the situation, the woman yelled at the villager: "Hey, didn't you understand what he said? He is injured!"
The villager answered calmly: "日本語でおｋ"
Out of the blue, there appeared an angel and gave them a small, yellow and leech-like thing.
"Just put it into your ears," said the angel. "It's called the 'babel fish'. It can translate all the languages in the universe -- English, Japanese, or what-so-ever."
"Also," the angel turned to the man again.
A creature, about the size and shape of a caterpillar, appeared in the hand of the angel.
"It looks like you could use Dentics," the angel pried open the man's mouth and stuck the caterpillar-like creature, "this will greatly improve your oral hygiene."
"Never mind his oral hygiene!" screamed the woman. "HE IS INJURED! Can't you see it? If you are an angel, could you ..."
"Yes of course I can see it," answered the angel. "But I'm sorry I'm not authorised to cure. You've got to get another angel -- a medic, in a sense. It is part of heavenly red tapes, you know."
Irritated, the woman whipped out a bowgun and shot the angel down.
She reloaded the bowgun, pointed it to the Villager (who was calmy wathing the whole event) and said in a harsh voice
"Okay. You! Take us to your leader."
King Kondo was having a very nice day.
He'd just finished his planning for his new wing in the palace.
He was looking out the window with his cup of tea in his hand, thinking how beautiful and peaceful the day was, then suddenly...
A woman burst into the room, a bow gun in one hand, clutching the scuff of an unconscious man in the other.
"Hey, are you the leader of this...this...what is this place?"
"I am truly sorry, my lord," muttered the villager who followed the woman into the room.
When King Kondo looked up, Queen Reikon entered the room. "Your Majesty, I think I heard some noise. What has happened?"
She fainted when she saw the badly injured man.
King Kondo said to himself, "Too many people in one place, and too many things going on at one time... I've got to ask Mr Umeda what is the best way to handle this."
When the King reached for the telephone on his desk to call Mr. Umeda,
the woman swiftly came around the desk and pointed the loaded bowgun to his chin.
"Just what do you think you are doing? Calling for help?"
Seeing the woman very furious, the King didn't know what to do, or what to say. The woman yelled, "Just tell me where we are!"
As the King tried to open his mouth, the woman found something on the wall. "There you are! This is a map, isn't it?"
"No, you don't!" The woman shot the bow gun.
But the arrow just shot through a trace of big grin, where the king used be.
"See, like this." The king reappeared behind the woman, gently took the bow gun away from her.
"You can address me as 'Lord' or 'Your Highness'" said the King,
"I need to warn you though madame - if you do anything funny, you are going to regret it."
"Let's start with your names, shall we?" the King continued in a cheeful tone.
King Kondo, who, as you might imagine, is not often surprised by anything, was taken back.
"That's incredible! And you are going to tell me that you had a Baby Tomato as well, but
you squished him into ketchup because he as trailing behind??"
"Hmm.... you guys are really weird..." muttered the King, and suddenly called for his chef.
The royal chef came into the room within few minutes and asked what was the matter.
"Can we have sphagetthi bolonese tonight for dinner?" asked the King.
"Your Majesty," said the chef, "I'm afraid that we have run out of ..."
"Tomatos?" said the King, with a grin. "Don't worry about it. We have these: one ex-woman and one ex-injured man." The King laughed.
"No, Mylord," replied the chef. "It is spaghetti that we have run out. It just flew away, saying it would save the Mankind."
"No, we have not run our flour, salt, or any other thing," replied the chef. "But there is a problem..."
"What is it, now? I am hungry. I demand to have some food! Now!" The King banged the desk.
The chef lowered his head, and said in a weak voice. "My lord, it is the Vinni Puh bear from Russia!"
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"Captain Testu, you've lost your babel fish again!"
While staffing the leach-like creature into his ear, the angel complained to King Kondo.
"You have to recruit more angels. We're one down and the work load is incredible."
"Soon, we will not be needing you babel fish angels anymore.. our programmershave been
working non-stop to create a whole new Village service as a replacement.
Once that's finished, I am sorry to say you will be out of work.."
"You can't do that!" cried the angel.
"We've been working so hard to keep these fish! They're so fussy, bossy, lazy, demanding...."
"Now, I wonder where that bow gun is now. It did shut up the angel before." Kind Kondo muttered under his breath.
Suddenly, Babel fish went into action and the King heard a loud chant that went:
"Give me hunny! Give me hunny! Give me hunny" shattering the silience inside the room.
It was Vinni Puh who was still stuck in the doorway, screaming in a screechy voice.
King Kondo was very tempted to pull out the Babel Fish from his ear.
What happened to the peaceful moment he enjoyed just an hour ago?
But, being a dutiful king, he made his way to the kitchen, followed by an angel still going on about their work, life, the universe and everything.
King Kondo soon saw the big yellow bear stuck at the entrance to the royal kitchen,
furiously trying to set him self free while incessantly muttering
"Hunny..... I need more huny....," breathing hard and with a blank face.
Queen Reiko nearly fainted again, when she opened her eyes and saw a huge green tomato and a huge half-squashed red totmato in the room.
But the awful noise from the kitchen didn't allow her to go back to the blissful unconsciousness.
She picked herself up and made her way to the royal kitchen.
The green tomato was rolling around the red tomato, trying to get him moving to no avail.
The chef went all the way around the building to reach the kitchen's backdoor (as the main one was still blocked).
He came back with a huge knife and an enormous bowl, and started chopping the tomatoes, singing "Return of Killer Tomatoes."
Then, the eggs.
And some milk.
Next, the carrots, all the way from Korea.
Followed by a cucumber,
The freezer in the kitchen exploded when Piccolo finished his song.
The bear was blasted off from the doorway.
The chef gathered up all the ingredients and made his way to the kitchen, still humming happily.
Kind Kondo reached the kitchen first, "What..."
Queen Reiko arrived next, "The..."
Lastly, the chef, between the king and the queen, through the mountains of food in his arms, took a glance at his beloved kitchen and shouted. "Fu..."
While the chef was talking, the steaming slime was cooling off.
All the bits and pieces covering the kitchen ceiling, walls, floor and all the equipments,
started to converge on top of the huge preparation table in the middle of the kitchen.